Neck nibblers and tinsel

As i type someone called Godric is killing a man called Gabe and now Eric has arrived. Season two of True Blood keeps me busy whilst i 1) tidy the house, 2) whilst i wrap Christmas presents and 3) keep my mind off  the op that is heading closer and closer Yesterday was the gynae physiotherapy talk. A model of the female bits causing giggles as the pelvic floor muscle, fell out, as we passed it around the room. We were all a little concerned about what was ahead, let's face it, our bodies are going to be cut and after the pain we will be a long time in recovering. I've plans in place, cross stitch and cardmaking will be my recovery aids, as well as watching my dvd's. And the odd bit of housework of the easy and light type.

I know this hysterectomy will be a blessing, i've had enough periods to last two life times and i just can't take the pain anymore. Labour pain levels every week is just too much. But this will be a challenge, and i know i must listen to the medical professionals, not people with their judgemental crap. And i know Christmas will be very different but i intend to make it very special for my son. I will do my best to have as much fun as i can, and i'm sure Christmas movies will be a good excuse to sit down and laugh.

At the same time, today i am thinking of all that needs doing before the 15th. The craft stuff that needs moving, the group tomorrow and the tv that still lingers in our lounge where a tree will go as soon as possible.
At the same time, i have boxes to sort through and a bookcase to tidy. Well i say tidy, it's craftbits, and they just need re-arranging so i can fit more on. I also have 4 presents to wrap today, before my son comes home from school. Got laundry to fold too.

So enough time typing, this lady has chores to do.

Existence

In 11 days i have major surgery, A hysterectomy. I will go in and come out again, if all goes well. I will deal with this alone, and i doubt i'll have visitors whilst i am in. A nurse will come and maybe check on me when i go home, and days of mindless tv and stitching will be it for the first couple of weeks.

Today is housework, cardmaking and mindless tv. No phonecalls will break my day and the only post is christmas presents for people who have no time for me. My own flesh and blood, not my son, but my other family , my mum, my brother, people who are meant to like you, love you, etc.

I am making cards for people who don't ring, or text, and i'll post these cards at 95p a time, knowing that they will end up in a bin somewhere. Yes christmas time is here. And i feel no christmas spirit. I feel no joy, or happiness. I feel very alone and going out in the outside world is no longer an option. I have been made fully aware i don't fit. i have no purpose, no use other than to bring up my son and support him through what live throws at him. That is my only reason to exist.

I have no idea what i can do, other than keep going for my son, and hide the fact inside i feel dead and numb. As for this, no one will read it, no one will care and i just share my thoughts to the vastness of the world wide web. Another place i don't fit in either.

Pain and non-crafting.

October quickly turned into November and the weather has changed. Cold winds and heavy rain, with the odd patch of sunshine to brighten everything briefly. The bird feeder is busy, the birds and squirrel stocking up and the herbs are surprisingly doing quite well. I shall have to harvest the mints and lemon balm again soon. Pumpkins and squashes fill our veg rack, their bright colours a break from the greyness of winter and delicious smells as the slow cooker slowly turns ingredients into something warm and wonderful.

Halloween meant pumpkins needed carving. A change in tactic meant the back was removed and scooped out, an easier method for hands that don't want to play. A face cut slowly with the sharpness knife we have and the results were cheerful and fun.
We had two lots of trick/treaters and our candy pile shrunk a little. The rest will slowly keep us company til the end of winter, a small treat from time to time.

The flesh from the pumpkins was turned into soup and the seeds i admit i put into the composter. After removing the flesh and helping my son with his homework i was just beyond frazzled. The soup however was delicious and warming. A recipe by Cranks which is always a winner.

And today, the plans are just sorting, both my head and the housework. An appointment with the shrink at 11 whilst at home the washing machine will juggle it's load of colours for me to hang up on the return home and then thoughts will turn to sorting out the lounge with the hoover and just maybe some polish. We shall see. Right now it's time to sort out the lunch for a 12 year old with hollow legs and the fussy cat whose preferred cat food is yet unknown..

Distant and dreaming

Sorry i've been missing. Life has thrown all sorts to this home, to both my son and i. Some good, some bad and some a mystery to be solved. Two birthdays, a major operation just before Christmas and a lot to sort out before then. Christmas shopping has started. 4 people already sorted and cards being made already. I'm also stitching christmas motifs in various colours and after buying 1000 venus threads i have plenty to keep me busy for a while. Also deciding that i need the food in ready for after the operation has meant i have had to buy extra each week, so that come the time it's all done. The kitchen is a little full in places but i have to do this. We certainly have enough cereal!

Our birthdays are pretty close to each other, i turned 43 and my son turned 12. Royal mail still has 2 cards that belong to us waiting to be delivered and some of my son's presents were late due to the same company...Now that the Royal mail has been sold off, i'm hoping things will improve, but somehow i doubt it.
At the same time, other half wasn't able to come down, and i freely admit that made us all feeling down. The added fact he won't be down when i have the op is a hard thing to figure, i feel let down, not just by him but others, after all i'm a single mum, about to have major surgery with a long recovery period and instead of feeling blessed by all the help, i feel like i've become a burden to everyone and with no support at all i'm not sure how i'm going to cope. As for my CMHT, well i'm just an annoyance to them, and having to get a doctor involved when they wouldn't help wasn't something i wanted to do, but a deep dark depression is taking me through the floor and beyond. If i'm not crying i'm shaking, and mindfulness skills only work so far.

In other news, my son is doing amazingly well at his new school. He loves big school and is enjoying most of the lessons. Art isn't his favourite, the dread of using something messy still an issue. Making cards is one thing, but art, that is whole other level. Science is of course a favourite. He loves it and the chance to do experiments was always going to be a big plus. He likes his teachers and they like him. He certainly has impressed two girls in his year too, they keep asking him out! He is always the gentleman even though they scare the life out of him,lol.

The heating finally went on yesterday, the coldness of winter is well on it's way .Admittedly  part of me is looking forward to it, but the rest not so much. I know i have plenty of craft stuff to keep me busy, and when on recovery time, i'll be stitching when ever i can. No lifting die cutting machines here... partly why i'm die cutting over the next few weeks, to make supplies for if i get the urge to papercraft as well. Weather news keeps reporting it's going to be  a harsh winter so i'm also making sure we have enough food for the birds, the cat and cat litter, an order to sort next week so all is covered. I'm wondering about salting the paths this year too. Last thing that anyone wants is a fall or slip, but that i'm going to look into before snow and ice arrive.

All in all, a lot going on and plans that need sorting and double checking. #Take care everyone and happy crafting when you have the time.

Changing seasons

There is a cold bite in the air this morning, even the cat is a bit shocked. Autumn is on it's way. Thoughts turn to feeding the birds extra, they will need the extra foods, and stocking up on enough food for them this winter. Winter this year is rumoured to be a hard, cold one due to El Niño , and seeing as our summer was so changeable i do wonder if the predictions will be true. But a cold winter also means more chance to stitch, craft and watch films in the early evenings, and though fibro will probably be nasty, i'm planning Art Therapy for the days i can barely move.

Last night, i manage to finish the hot air balloon i was stitching. I'm quite pleased with how it turned out, and i have a feeling it will end up in my son's room. He certainly likes it a lot.

My next stitch project i haven't decided on yet, but housework is the main order of the day, and keeping an eye on the curry in the slow cooker. The smell of the spices is already appealing and will a welcome meal this evening. I'm planning to do a Belgium cake this week too, using a Cranks recipe from 1982. It will use up the jar of mincemeat that is in the cupboard and like most of their recipes, it is sure to delight the taste buds. Their book, which my gran brought is well loved and much used, even after 30 years and it's also my turn to book for when it's soup season. Their Chunky Bean Soup a much loved favourite!

So as my son heads to school and the cat explores his domain, time for me to depart, washing calling.

Slow pace

The bright colours stand out and the design is finally finished. I'm delighted with how it's turned out, and i admit resting my ankle has proved a blessing, as it has re-newed my love of cross stitch. This floral design is so cute, and i'll be happy once it's framed and on a wall somewhere. Perfect design for the end of summer.

The design that i'm doing now is a small hot air balloon , which is driving me a little batty but it's such a lovely design, i'm battling through. I'm counting once, twice and trice and still make the odd silly miscount which i have to unpick and re-do, but i'm enjoying the challenge, plus the chance to catch up on a film or two. It only has three colours, all of which mix well, and gives it a slightly masculine theme. Hopefully it will be finished by tomorrow so i can use it for either a card, or a coaster, or framed in a small painted hoop. Or my son will ask for it, to go in his bedroom. We'll see.

Yesterday after doing the recycling, we had a mad moment. 5 snails which were in one of the recycle bags, (did you know they like eating paper?), were placed on the table we have in the garden. I grabbed the chalk and a track was drawn. Their prize, a couple of leaves of kale. After a very long wait, snail number two made a dash, number 3 climbed over number 4 and 1 & 5 just slept on. Number 2 finally won, and with number 4 being second. Number 1 & 5 still slept on, even when at one point number 3 climbed over them.

All in all it was a daft moment but great fun and though none of them were Turbo we enjoyed ourselves and in the end all the snails got some kale, before retiring under the table, away from curious cat and very hyped child. Proof also that some things that free to do, can be so much fun.

Have a good day all.

Progress

A sign, bright and to the point, and as i read the sign, what happens, i slip, on the wet floor of the public loo. If the irony wasn't enough, a pulled ankle is the result. So today, i put yesterday's incident behind me and help my son get ready for school, for real this time, no confused dress rehearsal. His hearty lunch is ready, his bag packed and the tie issue has been sorted, though i admit i'm very out of practice. Let's face most of us females only ever wear a tie at school.



And now with the morning chaos out of the way, my son kills time watching cartoons, before his chaperon arrives, and i grab a few moments to enjoy my cup of tea, and rest my ankle again. I know i have the food delivery to deal with this morning, but i also have a couple of recipes i want to find, but also i must rest this ankle, so stitching will be on the cards too. As you can see i've made a little more progress with this cute design, and i'm hoping to finish it, either today or tomorrow.

I've also finished off a design that i started over 8 years ago, maybe even 10 years , thinking about it. I say finished and it is, well as far as i can go, due to the chart being missing, without a trace. But to finally have it at this stage is a good moment, one less UFO ( Un Finished Object) to be ticked off the list. I have a few Bang On The Door designs still left to stitch, and hopefully with my renewed love of cross stitch instead of reading. I still have my cardmaking but i've decided to take a break, one to renew my ideas as i've hit a block on making them at the moment, but also so that i can re-arrange my supplies so that it's a little less chaotic. I know i have christmas coming soon, i know 3 months away, but i need to start early if i intend to make plenty for this year, and also make some for PDSA to sell after all the help they have given us.

And now, my son has gone to school, his face beaming with excitement as he went on his new journey, his smile bright against the grey skies, and oh so smart in his uniform. I admit to a wobbly lip, my little boy is now a young man but i am so , so proud. He's come a long way and i see him going much further at his new school.

Enjoy your day.